I was raised going to church. Every Sunday my mother would get the (often reluctant) family ready to head out the door for our weekly dose of religion. I never really took church too seriously until I decided to “get saved” the summer I graduated from high school.
After this occasion, I made the decision to attend a conservative church on a weekly basis. I was a fundamentalist believer in the infallibility of scripture. Or was I?
I certainly did attend church, volunteer my time, and even do some worship leading. However, there was always something in the background nagging at me. Did I really believe what I was saying I believed? Were my efforts really heartfelt?
I did research in the accuracy of scriptures, read many different authors and even listened to Christian music in the effort of drowning out those questions in my mind. Finally, in the past year or so, I realized that I really do have problems with religion.
Don’t misunderstand me, I respect religion. I’m not just talking about Christianity, but all different religions. They all have great teachings and ideas. It is this one tenant that I have a problem with: They all claim the path to God.
As I am a lover of humanities, I can’t help but look at religion through the lens of history. It is not my intention to get involved in religious mud-slinging about historical events. When I look at history, I see humanity in constant search for the divine. It seems no matter what people group to be studied, they all have some sort of belief system in something greater than themselves. Just looking at the history of western civilization alone will yield various belief systems from the divinity of rulers (Rome) to the infallibility of the Pope.
While I haven’t yet determined what I believe anymore about God, I do know that I believe in some sort of creation. I don’t know that the creator is necessarily involved in my day to day life, nor do I know if that creator is a being. What I do believe about religion though, is that it is a (usually) healthy way for humans to try to grasp the infinite. Religion is cultural, ethnic, regional, and generational. We typically end up believing or at least pretending to believe that which was passed down to us.
Unfortunately, religion has its problems too. There are constantly wars and clashes in the name of religion. However, when these problems arise, it is not usually the religious beliefs themselves over which people fight. Instead, the issues are cultural, ethnic, regional, and sometimes generational. This is not the problem of religious principles, but of the humans involved grasping at or fighting power.
For now, I accept my beliefs in some sort of creator. I do not attend church, nor do I know if I will attend again. I do know that I will continue to search and question this all-consuming issue.